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Spirit Will Reach You
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Spirit
Will Reach You Wherever You Are
In December 1997, my life was utterly broken. My marriage was conflict-ridden and our finances a nightmare. I was miserable as a stay-at-home mom, but couldn't afford to go back to work because of the cost of child care.
For Christmas, my husband signed us up to receive gifts from Catholic Charities. You could say I have a hard time accepting help, because this shocked me. We weren't out on the street, you know, just hopelessly in debt and getting worse every month. Eventually, I went along with it because I could rationalize the whole thing as "his idea."
When the gifts arrived, though, a remarkable thing happened. Looking at my family amidst what was, to me, unbelievable bounty, I was keenly aware that all of this had come to me from complete strangers. What was more, they hadn't just given presents to my kids (which is what I would have done), they gave me things.
Suddenly, unpredictably and almost indescribably, I was overcome by a wonderful, warm feeling throughout my body. In that moment, I truly understood this paradox: Those strangers owed me nothing, yet I deserved completely the generosity they had shown me.
I didn't really understand the phenomenon at the time. "I have to remember this," I wrote in my journal. "I don't know why, but this is important. What if I could think of everyone in my life this way?" Almost like a Hollywood-style heavenly light shining down on me, spirit had touched me and moved me to a new place, an inward shift that slowly but surely changed my outward circumstances as well.
Since then, I have read a lot of books about how positive thinking and, more importantly, positive feeling paves the way for spirit to act in our lives. In Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting, Lynn Grabhorn describes it as "generating a positive magnetic field." In Personal Power Through Awareness, Sanaya Roman calls it "being in a high vibration."
In my experience, being in a high vibration does make it easier for me to receive messages from my intuition. Serendipity smiles on me more often and more powerfully. Furthermore, when "serendipity" does bring good things to me, I know it's not just dumb luck but my own high vibration drawing them in.
The truth is, though, that not every day is a good day. I still get upset, sad, or depressed sometimes. In fact, those are exactly the times when I need the most support from spirit. As I write this, I can say with good humor that part of being human (for me, at least) is that I can find the down side of almost anything. Having read all these empowering books on how my positive energy can bring spirit into my life, I can find that in the course of having a bad day, I'm also berating myself because so much negativity is going to keep spirit away. So the bad mood gets compounded by the judgment that I always have to be positive, lest spirit shun me. Hmm, an unpleasant trend.
A few more words about those dim days in 1997. I had a Tarot reading from a good friend of mine that summer, at the end of which she pulled out a pack of angel cards. Each tiny card had a little drawing of an angel and a single word on it. The card I drew said, simply, "Joy." I looked at the card in some disbelief, showed it to my friend, and said, "I don't understand what this means."
I relate this to illustrate the depths of my negative thinking at the time. I literally didn't understand what the word "joy" meant. And yet, somehow, spirit found a way to reach me so powerfully and so clearly that even in my joyless state I would understand the message. I look back on that moment gratefully, even now, almost three years later, and know that, no matter how deep the sadness, no matter how low my vibration, spirit will reach me somehow.
Sure, I would rather be in a high vibration all the time, and I spend time doing what I can to maintain that state. I feel more confident, more connected, and truly joyful -- what's not to like! But when the down days come around, I now say to myself, "Spirit will find a way to get to me, no matter what." And that opens the door a little wider.
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Copyright © 2000 Katja Amyx. All rights reserved.
