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Life Is a Menu
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Life
Is a Menu
Originally published as
Buddha in Combat Boots
Where the mundane & the mystical meet!
Vol 1, No 2 | August 2004
Once when I was at design school, I had a teacher who encouraged her students to say "yes." Literally. She talked about it like a mantra, encouraged us to notice how it was a pleasant word to say, and how it actually felt good when we said it. She had us say it aloud in class, and urged us to say it frequently in our lives.
That was about seven years ago. Looking back, I see she planted a seed in me, because now I am sitting here about to write this: Find reasons to say "yes." And, I am going to take it even further than my positive-speaking design teacher.
In 2003, I was driving around town with my kids. We happened to be in a residential neighborhood where a large number of people had signs in their yards. My daughter spoke up, "Mom, I've seen a bunch of signs saying 'no,' and a bunch of signs saying 'yes,' but they're all on the same side."
I asked her for more details, and she went on, "Well, some of the signs say, 'No War.' Other signs say, 'Yes Peace.' So they all want the same thing."
An excellent observation! I noted that when you name a thing, you call it into being. Saying the word "war" activates in both speaker and listener a laundry list of thoughts and feelings associated with war. Likewise, saying the word "peace" brings up experiences and ideas associated with peace. "So," I told my daughter, "I think it's much more powerful to say 'yes' to what you want than to say 'no' to what you don't want."
Now, we're humans here (for the moment), so let's just take a bit of time to acknowledge the human process. It is commonly true that our first experience of any preference is what we say "no" to, as in, "I don't like eggplant," "I'm unhappy with my job," "These shoes are too tight," "I hate it when my spouse and I fight," or "I'm always worrying about money."
These are all true statements of a current experience, a thing I don't like. And it is definitely important to identify and acknowledge what one doesn't like. Yet, if that is treated as the end of the process, then all that happens is more of the unpleasant thing.
Let's take a simple example, such as, "I don't like eggplant." (Which I don't. If you do, feel free to substitute a food you don't like.) Notice how you feel if you say, "I don't like eggplant." I notice that at the end of the sentence, everything stops. I'm left with a mental sack full of not-liking.
Now, try adding a second phrase, like, "So next time, I'll have chicken." Maybe it's just because I'm such a foodnik, but I notice how many possibilities open up when I add that phrase. Suddenly, my head is full of all the different yummy ways that chicken can be prepared, and all the places I might be while I'm eating them. Will I have chicken Kiev at Moderne? Fried chicken at KFC? Comfort food like chicken-and-broccoli casserole at home? Eggplant has been completely erased from my thinking! All that's left are all the possible future chicken dinners. Yum.
So, dinner's handled. But what about bringing home the bacon? What about marital arguments and health issues? It does take a lot of attention to detail to keep choosing things to say yes to, and thinking about those instead of the negatives. After many attempts, and many perceived failures, I went and asked my guardian angels for some assistance. This is what they said (with a few editorial remarks from me in parentheses):
"Look upon the world as your menu. If you see other people doing something, then you know that that experience is available. Remove your judgments and allow yourself to really ask for what you want! (Note that judgments are "nos.")
"Tell yourself 'happy stories.' Look, your self-talk really creates your experience, past, present, and future. It explains to you how to understand your past. It interprets for you what is happening in your present. It tells you what to hope for in your future. So use and manage your self-talk! Tell yourself happy stories. Tell yourself of learning, growth, progress. Valuable experience. Love, joy, and wisdom to share. Insights. Delightful synchronicities. Fill your self-talk with these. (A big feeling of warmth, love, and joy infused these words.)
"Now, this has been implied, but we'll just go ahead and say it: Don't be afraid of change. Use the two principles above to help yourself move forward. Use life as a menu, and use your self-talk in a positive way. Quit worrying that the next thing might be worse than now. (Implied: Worry calls its object into being, just like "no war.")
"Finally, in case you haven't gotten the message yet, know that a beautiful future is in sight. Just sing a little traveling song, and go! The sun is bright, your companions are with you (physical and spiritual), joy is your birthright. We love you. Now walk."
What does it mean to say, "life is a menu?" How often do you look at a restaurant menu and say to yourself, "Darn! Look at all these things I can't have!" Pretty near never, I bet. But how often do you look at life and have pretty near that reaction? The trick is, even on challenging days, to act as if you've arrived at the (divinely) correct restaurant, and know that there is something on the menu that you can honestly say "yes" to.
© 2004 Katja Amyx
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Copyright © 2000 Katja Amyx. All rights reserved.
